why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize