when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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