Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
