I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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