I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
