I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
