Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
