...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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