who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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