I showed him my bush... on skype.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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