Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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