Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
