she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
