I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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