I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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