careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
