Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize