My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
