Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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