Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
