Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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