how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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