Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
