I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
