I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
