I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
