never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm always down for nudity.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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