I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
