You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
