So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
