This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
