I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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