no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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