Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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