He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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