What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
