Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
