I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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