So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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