Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize