is your mom at the bar?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
