And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
