my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
