I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
