Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
did i just pee glitter
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