There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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