I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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