i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
