Jerry, you need to find god
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
