You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
