Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
