im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
