Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
