my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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