ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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