I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
