Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize