she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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