I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize