Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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