Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
