got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
