I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
