The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
