dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
