hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
