i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just google imaged poop.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
