im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
