just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
