This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
