i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize