Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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