You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
