On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
