guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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