watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
