I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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