Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
