I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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