Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
