We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
