True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My cat gives me a boner
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
