honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
