Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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