Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize