I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
