I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
