When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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