K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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