Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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