he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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