I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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