It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
