Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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