Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
try to milk me bitch
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