Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
