I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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