Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hippo gnu deer
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
