What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
