checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
