Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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