hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize