i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
