She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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