If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
